Russian President Vladimir Putin congratulated Alberta Premier Jim Prentice today for his government’s effort yesterday to make it easy to deny the existence of LGBTQ Albertans by making it difficult for students to talk about LGBTQ issues.
“No one is allowed to talk about gay people in Russia and now Alberta is following our Russian example thanks to the leadership of Premier Prentice,” President Putin said. “Albertans will find, just as we Russians have, that if you don’t talk about something, there is nothing to talk about. This is good.”
“If you have a statue of an iPhone anywhere in Alberta,” the Russian president advised, “I would tear it down immediately. These kinds of structures can become rallying points for subversive elements.”
Mr. Prentice was busy today putting out fires among his party’s own supporters, some of whom are concerned that his campaign to put the right of parents to object to the teaching of sexuality and evolution above such rights as freedom of speech, association and assembly could have unintended consequences in the future, and was unavailable to comment on Mr. Putin’s message.
“Don’t worry about it,” Mr. Putin said. “I am busy too, in Ukraine, selling gas to China and here at home tearing down statues.
“But I would like to meet Mr. Prentice,” the Russian leader said. “Perhaps I will invite him to join me hunting grizzly bears with no shirts, by which I mean we would wear no shirts, not the grizzly bears, who like our citizens have no choice in the matter. Ha!”
Full disclosure: Everything in this story is “news satire,” which means the author just made it up. Sort of… Except the link to the Canadian Press story, of course. It was in the National Post, so it must be true!