The International Commission on Zoological Nomenclature will rename Canada geese as American geese with the publication of the next edition of its widely respected list of scientific animal names.
The fourth edition of the International Code of Zoological Nomenclature published in 1999 lists the familiar large species of North American goose with a black head, white cheeks, and a brown body as Branta canadensis, or Canada goose. However, the next edition of the code, the fifth, is expected to list it as Branta americanus, the American goose.
It is not known if the plan to rename the goose is the result of pressure from the Trump Administration or simply because the bird is native to the North American continent, commonly seen depending on the season from the Arctic to the Gulf of Mexico.
Speaking of which, unlike U.S. President Donald Trump’s demand that the Gulf of Mexico be renamed the Gulf of America, which was immediately obeyed by the spineless jellyfish (Aurelia aurita) at Google, the change in the name of the familiar species is not expected to be as controversial in Canada as the effort to change the name of the Gulf of Mexico is south of the Rio Grande.
“Face it, they’re nasty birds,” said Charlie Angus, newly appointed by Prime Minister Mark Carney as Canada’s Ambassador to Washington. “They make a lot of noise, a really unpleasant honking sound. They’re mean as snakes, you can’t trust them not to turn around and attack you. And they shit all over everything!”
“Canadians hate them, and we all cheer when they fly away in the fall,” he said. “I think Canadians will be quite pleased with the change, actually. Under the circumstances, it seems entirely appropriate!”
Indeed, the change is actually likely to be more controversial south of the U.S.-Canada border, not just because the birds are so unpleasant – often called “cobra chickens”in Canada – but because so many Americans think all the animals and birds were named by Adam in the Garden of Eden, which many of them also think was located in Jackson County, Missouri.
In addition, the geese fly south every winter without completing any paperwork with U.S. Customs and Border Protection.
The industrious and hard-working beaver (Castor canadensis) will retain its current scientific name, thank you very much.
OK, dear readers, if it wasn’t obvious immediately, you should have twigged to the fact there was something seriously amiss with this report by Paragraph 5. I think Mr. Angus, who will retire at the end of the month from his role as NDP MP for Timmins-James Bay, would make an ideal Canadian Ambassador to the United States under the present circumstances. Unfortunately, that seems unlikely to happen. I apologize to Mr. Angus for putting words in his mouth that may not reflect his views … about Canada geese. As for the International Commission on Zoological Nomenclature, it is an actual thing, but it would never do anything like rename the Canada goose just because Donald Trump said it had to. Right? April Fool!
Good one! You channelled Charlie Angus in a way that I think he might appreciate. Charlie doesn’t suffer fools and delusional American imperialist presidents gladly. Enjoy your upcoming visit to Alberta, Mr. Angus.
Speaking of April Fool’s, happy birthday to Alberta’s own Danielle Smith.
Danielle Smith was born on April 1st? No wonder she’s such a tool, haha!
Hello DJC,
You might be onto something. Our family was entertained by your column.
Charlie Angus? US ambassador? I seem to recall Charlie Angus live tweeting a couple years ago during that standing ovation the House of Commons was giving that Ukrainian nationalist (turned out he was a member of the SS) insinuating that Pierre Poilievre wasn’t applauding enthusiastically enough, that he was just going through the motions. Yeah, that Charlie Angus.
Settle down, Ronnie boy. It was an April Fool joke. I’m allowed once a year. DJC
Anything that DJT does feels like an April Fool’s joke. Who would have thought that renaming the Gulf of Mexico was NOT one !
Thanks for the chuckle. You’ll excuse me if I don’t feel the need to expound on nazis at this time.
Thanks! Great way to start the day!
I’ll see your “American goose”, and I’ll raise you one Alberta Junior hockey team.
https://everythinggp.com/2025/04/01/grande-prairie-storm-asked-to-change-name-by-climate-change-activists/
Thanks for the chuckle, David!
“They make a lot of noise, a really unpleasant honking sound. They’re mean as snakes, you can’t trust them not to turn around and attack you. And they shit all over everything!”
OK, so the post was written as a joke, but I believe some jokes lead to good ideas, and maybe this is one of them, except I think maybe Trump Goose would be a bit better. Why not – we already have Trumpeter Swans? Given Trump’s ego, he would probably embrace the idea, and maybe even earn us some brownie points.
Enjoy the next line, David; I don’t expect to see it published.
This could be a great boon to the hunting industry – think of all the people who would welcome the opportunity to legally take aim at a Trump.
“They make a lot of noise, a really unpleasant honking sound. They’re mean as snakes, you can’t trust them not to turn around and attack you. And they shit all over everything!”
Branta Donaldtrumpus would be a far more appropriate name based on the above description. Thanks for the laugh this morning!
hahaha!! David! This is hilarious!!! excellent April Fool’s joke….you got me hook, line and sinker!! and I loved the part about Charlie Angus being ambassador to the US!! ( I was getting excited!) great writing! congrats! 🙂
Awwww, I was all excited about Ambassador Angus!!! 😉
Saying Charlie Angus was named Ambassador to trumpland was the obvious giveaway. Last week he organized an Elbows Up rally in front of the U.S. Consulate in downtown Toronto to the chagrin of the drones inside. Their tender hides were bruised to the extent the Toronto police were called to get Charlie’s crew to depart. Ever the diplomat, he was polite as were the cops and he and his merry pranksters elbowed up and moved on. A fun time for all.
The Americans can have the geese. Canadians are tired of the fields of goose feces that soil their shoes and everything else where the flocks frolick. However the Americans are not to return them once they are in America. There is a no returns policy on geese.
Having known him for a fair few years in housing activism–I’m pretty sure Charlie Angus would approve this message.
And laugh.
Funny fact. The Canada Goose is NOT named after the country.
If Claud Cockburn is right in saying that “when a politician says something is true, then we have to presume it is not true, and when a politician claims that something is not true, then we have to assume it is true” and hence only take note of politician when he/she denies something. Taking those ideas full bore, the trade war between Trump and the rest of the world, including Canada, is not real. What Trump bloviates about is fodder to Carney, who would not stand much of a chance in an election against Skippy Poilièvre if the main issue of the election was that last ten years of Liberal mismanagement. It is true that the Liberals did advance some positive political “wins” for the less than rich 90% of the population. But everyone of these policies is based on a very important premise: what is the least amount of federal spending that can be enacted with regard to daycare, dental care, pharmacare, etc. and stretch full coverage into the 22nd century. Some might say, well at least this has been done and it is positive. But I remember Gore Vidal’s retort to Richard Nixon’s “revolutionary rapprochement” with China in 1972: “it was only common sense, and it took almost 30 years to come to our senses, what is there to celebrate ?” Carney’s lifelong trajectory has been nothing short of spectacular and so the real question is: luck ? as in the right place at the right time, or, real intelligence. I can’t wait for Mark Bourrie to write a book about Carney, as he has just done with regard to Skippy Poiliévre. May be as pretty of Skippy. Or, like Lesley Nielsen, “move along, there is nothing here to see”.
Outta the park.
April Fools, bird isn’t named after a person
Good April fools column. Very timely, in many ways!
Personally, I don’t dislike the geese, but I agree they are loud and can be obnoxious. It is also best to try stay way from them or not get too close as they can be confrontational and territorial. So I suppose in all those ways they do remind us of a certain country nearby us.
If things continue as they are, perhaps the only ones travelling from Canada to the US this winter will be the geese and other birds.
The fact that this did not immediately register as an April Fool’s Day article tells me a lot about the ridiculousness of recent headlines
Nicely done.
Melinda: I spent much of my career in the trenches of what was once known as the daily newspaper industry, though it is an industry no more if it ever was. But one did learn there to cultivate what I have heard called “a tone of spurious authority,” and it is that tone, and not the patently absurd facts, that tricked you and other readers. Well, I only do it once a year. DJC
LMAO!
When I am out cycling and see that familiar flying ‘V’ loudly approaching, I take cover. Those beasties have terrific aim, and they like to practice in-flight. Considering what the American government has done to us and its allies recently, one would think they had studied the Canada Geese for pointers!
Happy April, All. Cheers!
I think they should be renamed Trumpian geese.
I happen to like geese! I respect their authoritah! Off topic.. Alberta is now on the horizon! https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a64344019/canada-polievre-conservative-party-link-musk/ I would, if I were so inclined, link that short panted poltroon Poilievre to Tesla every day for the next three weeks!
That is bullshit. Canada geese are Canada Geese.
Trump can fuck off with all his renaming!!
Well, it was BS, or rather, goose s#&t. April 1, ya know. DJC
Being older, is my excuse. Pretty much have seen it all or the parental units did. Was reading the post and it just seemed normal. No change in writing style. Given Trump has changed other things, simply thought o.k. another stupid thing. or Musk paid to have it done. Some may have twigged it was a 1 April joke, but my mind went to past NDP leaders who have been appointed to Ambassadorships back in the day. Brian Mulroney appointed Stephen Lewis as Ambassador to the U.N. Thought appointing Charlie Angus to the U.S.A. was a new form of torture for Trump and MAGA. Its not that I don’t like Mr. Angus. He is wonderful and never at a loss for words. Made perfect sense to me. The Liberals appointed John Horgan to be Canadian Ambassador to Germany, and Bob Ray (Lib/NDP/Lib) appointed to U.N.
Thanks for the laugh. After the election if they appoint Charlie Angus to be Ambassador to the U.S.A. I’ll go watch the show, if I can get into the country.
I like those geese. It would be fun to send a bunch to sit on the lawn of the White House and chase a few of those Republicans around Congress.
Can we permanently give away both the cobra chickens and Elon Musk?
Lol. Great one!
In case it’s missed, a certain UCP MLA decides to make a not so April Fool’s joke. He’s not kidding.
https://www.reddit.com/r/alberta/s/7lL7G9UQEN
JM: Not an MLA, but a constituency association president and TBA nut, I believe. Mitch Sylvestre. DJC
Just name them “Trump Geese”. We don’t mind removing “Canada” from this vile animal’s name. They are annoying, very stupid, disgusting, and leave poop everywhere for someone else to clean up.
You can rename all you want, they are still lovingly known as Canada Goose and will remain so in the hearts of many
Don’t worry, Vivian. It was an April Fool joke. … I think. DJC